Online Datng Tips – in brief
All of us will have thoughts in our heads about any date before we even go on it and it can be quite nerve racking going on a first date regardless of our age. To help you along we’ve compiled a few basic tips which apply to both men and women to help any dates you go on, on or offline, go as smoothly as possible.
Probably the first things you will consider are what should you wear? Where should you go to meet up? How long should you stay for? How much information should you give away? Who should pay? etc.
There are endless questions but some others are probably more important than these initial thoughts.
I think that any initial date should always take place on familiar ground. If you are very safety conscious, you could always have a couple of friends sitting incognito at a near table (to make you feel more at ease).
It goes without saying that you should always give your date location to someone trusted and even arrange to ring them at a certain time… just to let them know everything is going as planned. This is basic safety, but there are more pressing matters…
Your first impression, both verbally and in looks should be you at your best!
At the end of the day, most people, men and women, appreciate a respectful, well mannered attractive partner. So while you may love your best ripped jeans with the skull and crossbones stitching (cos they’re so comfy) these might not be the best choice for a first meeting.
This is not always the case as you may be meeting a fellow ripped-jean wearer and you may have arranged for this casual dress code to be worn, but in this article, we’re talking about general do’s and don’t’s.
Basic hygene and cleanliness is a big turn on for most people nowadays, so having a bath, shower, shave, using aftershave/perfume and wearing something appropriate will all help you impress your date and get you off to a good start.
You don’t have to were a full tux (unless you want to), just dress in what you consider would be appropriate for the date… and this might take a little more thought than you think. Just try to think what you would expect if you were the other person. What do you think they would be expecting from you? You should have had some idea of what they like from messaging and/or phone calls prior to the date.
Let me tell you men… Women, especially older women, expect a man to dress smartly and accordingly. Most women, quite rightly so, think of themselves as worthy of some effort, so for men, dress smartly, have a shave, or trim if you have facial hair (and don’t forget your ears and nose hairs men) and for women, if your years are moving on quicker than you’d like to think, check your lips and chin for stray hairs. Its all natural of course, but men like ‘smooth’ women!
Always be polite and respectful, regardless of how its going!
If the date is going really bad, don’t lose the effort… just be polite to the end and bring it to a close as soon as possible and you will leave with your respect in tact.
Staying with basics…
Chose a place to meet where you will feel at ease
Dating can be a daunting experience for both parties. Help to cut through those nerves by arranging to meet up in familiar territory. This will help make you both feel more comfortable. It can be anywhere but should be ‘appropriate’ for the level of awareness of each other that you should have built up over previous messages or phone calls.
Never try to pretend to be someone that you’re not!
You’re going to get found out eventually! We are all who we are and when we start trying to be something else, we will get caught out. I once met a lovely man who was dressed to kill in his designer clothes. He arrived in his incredible car and as they say, wined and dined me in pure luxury. This went on for some time and we visited posh restaurants and clubs and then these dates started getting fewer and fewer and I began to think he was going off me but didn’t know why as all seemed to be going great.
To cut a long story short, he wasn’t rich at all (which didn’t bother me in the least) but had pretended to be wealthy to impress me… what a disappointment! It transpired there were other lies he had also told me in an attempt to make him appear more desirable. I just wanted a ‘trustworthy’ man who could love me. We didn’t stay together.
Keep the date fun and light-hearted
Try to keep your conversations all nice and easy. No one wants to hear about your problems or issues on a first date. You don’t want to get into an in-depth discussion about why you don’t enjoy your job or any other issues you’ve been having.
Most women are attracted to a man who makes them at ease and makes them laugh. For any couples meeting up on a first date, it should always be easy, enjoyable and fun!
Confidence is very powerful
Women value confidence quite highly when it comes to choosing a man.
We’re not suggesting you should be brash and loud right in her face… that’s not confidence!
If you are a shy person practice a few chatting skills first, think of things that you can speak about when you get on your date. There’s nothing more offputting to both sides than awkward silences!
Speak to yourself in front of a mirror… yes, you might look a bit silly (if anyone was to see) but this might just give you the edge over your nerves when it comes to the real date.
If you struggle with shyness, just chose topics that you can talk about easily… stuff like any hobbies you might have etc. Also, be at ease with who you are. After all, you are who you are and you can’t be anyone else.
You might not be 6ft tall with a 6-pack and simmering looks but most women are attracted to a man who is comfortable with who they are and confident with it.
Keep everything equally balanced; not one sided
Make sure you don’t do all the talking on your date. Try to keep the conversation even. While its great to be chatty, most people will eventually tire of someone who never stops talking and you don’t want to bore your date to death!
If the date goes well, there will be plenty other times to share your experiences and hopes.
Listening is very important as it shows that you are interested in what the other person has to say.
Switch your phone off!
I know we all live by our phones nowadays but there’s an enhanced quality to having a conversation without hearing the constant bleeping of notification sounds from your phone.
I love to be able to switch my phone off when I can. It’s a strange pleasure and brings great relief with it.
There’s nothing more annoying than phones ringing whilst trying to spend quality time on a date and when I say off I really mean off! Don’t just put it on silent or vibrate. If you’re anything like me, you will still be tempted to have a quick look and can still become distracted… and Facebook is an absolute no-no on any date! Turn your phone off completely. Its nice for the other person to know that you’ve turned off your phone because of them.
Try not to talk about your ‘ex’. You might have to mention previous partners but don’t go on and on about them, what they did or didn’t do etc. It’s best to just stay away from the conversation altogether. Your date will not be interested in your exes and it can make things start to feel awkward. If the subject does crop up, simply keep answers short (without appearing suspicious) and so-so.
Equality rules nowadays
Gone are the days when the man was expected to pay!
Things have thankfully moved on and most women nowadays will assume that they will pay for at least their half. For man, you can always say that ‘you’ll get this’ but if the woman insists you must let them. Women are on equal footings nowadays with men and many like to feel that they have paid their way.
As much as I agree with equality and equal rights… and an equal share of any dinner costs, I am always pleasantly surprised when any male date offers to pay and usually let them. If you, man or woman, are offering to pay, ease the situation by saying something like ‘I’ll get this one and you get the next’. This also primes the way for another date!
After the date
If it happens that all did not go as planned and you don’t want a second date, don’t say you’ll call the other person… and then don’t. It’s an easy opt-out but the other person is going to be left waiting, they might start ringing you (if they have your phone number) or trying to contact you… it’s just not nice.
If you don’t want to meet again, maintain your dignity and say so. The right thing to do in this situation is to keep your respect and simply say that you’ve had a nice time but you don’t think this is for you. Or if you find that a little to difficult, just say again, that you’ve had a nice time and you will be in touch. Then you should be in touch to say that you don’t want to meet up any more.
If you feel a bit awkward about this you can always say that they were lovely and that it’s just you or that you don’t think you are ready at the minute etc. No woman or man wants to feel hanging on, especially for something that is never going to happen.
Respect costs nothing and you should not mess with other peoples minds.
Of course, if all did go well and you can’t wait to see the other person again, don’t leave it too long! If you leave it more than a day or so they will think that you are not bothered.
If the date did go well, and all seemd safe it’s ok to swap telephone numbers and ring each other.
And if the date went well… tell the other person! Say it was Great!
These few tips above should get you off to a good start but dating is a very difficult area nowadays. There are more do’s and dont’s than there have ever been but above all of these, you are going out on a date and this is something that should be enjoyed and made the most of!
So simply relax, be confident and enjoy the moment!